Anxious: experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
worried, concerned, uneasy, apprehensive, fearful, perturbed, troubled, bothered, disturbed, distressed, disquieted, fretful, agitated, nervous, edgy, antsy, unquiet, on edge, tense, overwrought, worked up, keyed up, jumpy, worried sick, with one’s stomach in knots, with one’s heart in one’s mouth; More informal uptight, on tenterhooks, with butterflies in one’s stomach, jittery, twitchy, in a dither, in a lather, in a tizzy, strung out, antsy, spooked, squirrelly.
2. wanting something very much, typically with a feeling of unease.
My heart is heavy today for myself. Please do not take that as selfishness. Just bare with me for a moment while I reveal a little bit of my soul.
Anxiousness is something everyone at some point deals with. Some more then others but we are human we all have it. It’s a curse that we often feel is out of our control. “I can’t help that I feel this way!” “You would feel this way if you knew what I’ve been through.” The list of excuses go on.
I’m the girl who sometimes, I’m convinced lives in a constant state of anxiousness. I worry about my grades, I worry if I’m doing my job right at work or if ill even get it done, I worry about my family, I worry if I’m doing all I can to help friends and family, I worry about the future, I worry about getting bills paid, I worry about planning my wedding, I worry about offending people, I worry, worry, worry. Anxious, anxious, anxious.
I have always been that girl who wants everything perfect. Who wants her friends and family to be blessed beyond measure. Who would give of herself for others to have. When things would and do not go how I feel they should go I become anxious, confused, stressed, tense, all the synonyms above are me! And I have a hard time just letting it be.
Philippians 4 always hits home with me. These verses are supposed to be so comforting but they are so convicting to me. “do NOT be anxious…but in everything by prayer…and the peace of God will guard your heart.” Not much clearer instruction then that. And I still fall into the state of anxiousness.
As a human with flesh, with a mind that goes 24/7 how can I not be anxious? It tells me right there! And yet I am still anxious, often. I am still confused, I am still so badly wanting to help where I can not.
And then mornings like today I remember My God is not the author of confusion and he did not send me to die for this world, he already did that. He sent me to pray for the world (situations), he sent me to be a light of this world, my world. He sent me to be the best that I can be and when I get to the point where it is not of him (confusion, anxiousness, stress) to let it go. Give it to him in prayer and supplication. And he will give me the peace I need.
3am last night I awoke and was very uneasy and stressed. 20 million things were going through my head. None of which I could control…. ok, ok… you could say I’m a little controlling too. First step is admitting. 🙂 Once I finally went to sleep it was not good sleep. But I a woke with such a peace. I had Philippians 4 on my mind. I was reminded that those feelings will happen because we are human but they are not necessary because they are in God’s hands. He has it all in control and all I (we) have to do is give it to him. And in return you will be given peace.
Peace: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
Peace of mind: the absence of mental stress or anxiety
Today I realized that if I don’t worry it does not mean that I don’t care, today I realized that peace is a choice and I choose peace. Rejoice today, because God has some peace to bestow on us all.